Tuesday, January 30, 2007

because most of you don't know me in real life

The last thirty minutes has been rather rushed. I have a weekly Tuesday meeting at 11 and I had to stop in to visit the potty beforehand AND go print something off in the computer lab before the meeting then drop it off in my supervisor's mailbox on the OTHER side of the hospital then rush to the meeting. I have an irresistable addiction to an evergrowing list of internet sites that I ABSOLUTELYMUSTVISITEVERYTIMEIAMANYWHERENEARACOMPUTER-the obsession is maddening, so of course I feed it every chance I get. This is why I do not have high speed at my house. I fed the addiction and then realized I was running a wee bit late.

As I mentioned I've been dieting. The particular black pants I'm wearing today used to be kind of loose. A woman I worked with always felt the need to come over and yank them up when I was leaning over to write something...apparently my big girl panties were showing...this is why I don't often wear a thong to work...I did start to always wear black underwear with them though so no one would notice. Only recently I noticed they weren't showing so much, what had once been to big was now just the right size. This was perhaps the result of washing and drying them myself, but maybe also partly the result of my love for all things carbohydrate.

As I rushed down the handicap ramp, everyone needs a little fun in their life, I reached back to inspect what I was bearing to the world...the pants are getting a bit looser again (I'm still convinced they have at least shrunk some...it's not all me...it's really not)..anyway when I reached back I felt something abrasive...what could this be? Perhaps my tag was sticking out, but no, it was much larger than that. As I reached around, it continued to go on and on for what seemed like forever when it dawned on me...OHMYGOD...this is toilet paper!!!!!!! Apparently, when I had pulled up my britches from the previous visit to the potty, I had also pulled up the toilet paper lining the seat and created a new fashion statement--the White Cloud tail...like a bustle for your everyday wear.

I quickly shoved the bustle further into my pants, making my booty look just a little more supple, and rushed toward the door. What else was I going to do? If I pulled it out someone might see.

When I reached the exit, in an instant, I flashed back to the moment when I walked into the library and made eye contact with the doctor who runs the 11:00 meeting. He gave me kind of a strange look...I thought it was one of those, I know you, but you're not where I usually see you, so you cannot possibly be the same person faces, but now I think he may have been reacting to the bustle. I suddenly remembered one more thing I could not possibly put off, I did make a promise you my loyal readers after all, and I cannot possibly attend the 11:00 team meeting.

1 comment:

joy said...

Hahahaha. One time I was at Finnegan's and felt something itchy at the waist of my pants. And it was toilet paper. And I was mortified. Luckily, it wasn't so noticeable that I got laughed and pointed at by drunk people. And I took cover in the crowd as I tried to fish it out and ball it up. Also luckily, it wasn't too big.

I had fun at dinner. Are you still working out tonight? I don't have a card, yet, and I never think to go over at lunch to do it.