and they say women play games

But have you seen Newport Beach? Because Chase is so skeezy!

absent

I have not been a good blogger lately. Mostly because blogger wouldn't work and because my husband is broken and because my contract ended with my job and I don't have a replacement just yet, so I haven't been feeling very blogtastic lately. But, we do have cable now and road runner, so I should be in elated just because of that.

I just realized that now that I don't work at the hospital anymore, I don't have a wealth of crazy hospital things to tell you anymore. That was the original purpose of my blog, but then I got off task and here you go. So, if you indulge me, from time to time as I reminisce in the midst of my unemployment, I will share some hospital memories.

Here is the first thing that really befuddled me. Doctors walking around the hospital with their paper surgery caps on. Um, I'm sorry Dr. Genius, but isn't that thing supposed to sterile? AND, wasn't it just in the operating room with all of the surgical tools and germs and blood maybe you don't want to wear that into the cafeteria and then lean over the salad bar. And while you're in the process of stripping down post slice, maybe you could consider taking off that paper mask you've got hanging around your neck. They've got more...I saw them and they're cheap. I'm pretty sure the 18,000 you just charged that guy to fix his leg (that's how much it costs, trust me, I know this.) will cover a new mask. You might also think about taking those paper booties off your feet too, 'cause buddy, they're not shoes they're supposed to cover your shoes to keep them clean and when you wear them around the hospital and then to the PARKING DECK they probably got a little dirty.

sad, but true

We moved into our new house in June. With everything that's been going on, and the uncertainty of it all, we haven't had a chance to figure out our budget yet, so we haven't added any unnecessary expenses. My husband seems to think that cable is unnecessary, although I swear that is an overstatement, so our television capabilities have been relatively limited. The bunny ears only get about 6 channels and they're all fuzzy. To tell you the truth, we've been so busy, that I haven't really cared much.

Since Fred got in his little accident and broke his leg, he's been a little more aware of lack of fishing programming available to him as well as his lack of connection to the outside world, so I finally called and got us an appointment to get cable and road runner on Tuesday...AND...because I am a grown up now and get to make all of my own decisions I also got DVR!

I think Fred thinks that his injury and confinement to the couch is what motivated me, but the truth it, the season of The Hills started on the 13th and I'M MISSING OUT ON EVERYTHING!

the romance is not dead yet

Another fun text message today.


We need to buy our fire extinguishers.
Have a great day!


We have not discussed this since the day we registered for our wedding gifts, yes, we did register for a fire extinguisher, safety first, we did not get one though. I guess being trapped on the couch has given him lots of time to think about his undying love for me, and his fear of burning to death.

By the way, I picked up the stool softener. Things are moving along nicely.

lovey dovey

my new husband sent me the sweetest text message yesterday.



I need stool softener so bad.
I am ripping a tear down there.
Love you.

74+27=101

So, this is my 102nd post. I had thought about having a little contest when I wrote my 100th post, but I missed it, and I'm broke, and my husband is broken, so oh well. Perhaps another day. It was really just going to be for the purpose of shameless self promotion anyway.

HOORAY FOR ME...WRITING A BLOG!

Every Good Boy Does Fine

I have a good memory. Seriously. I can remember a lot of things. Granted, they're mostly totally useless for everyday life, but they're great for trivia challenges. I know just about every 80's sitcom theme song and almost every commercial jingle I've ever heard. (call 588-2300 empire..when the world never seems to be livin' up to your dreams...I'm chiquita banana and I'm here to say, bananas have to ripen' in a certain way and when they're flecked with brown and have a golden hue, bananas taste the best and are the best for you-I could go on forever...) Anywho, I know a lot of random things.

In college, when I was working on remembering specific characteristics of bugs for a zoology test, I made up elaborate songs and tunes to describe them-I won't write the lyrics here because the tunes are of my own creation and you really need to hear them for yourself. On long car rides, Freddie and I enjoy rewriting songs to fit our ocassion. While these tunes only stick with him in the moment, they pop back into my life at random all of the time. That's when my memory is most special, when I'm walking down the hall and suddenly think of something like pemdas, which is what happened to me yesterday. (But it doesn't mean anything! So, we put in words, one word for every note! (anyone recognize the reference?)

I thought for a minute and suddenly remembered please excuse my dear aunt sally. huh? where did that come from? Is it all coming back to you now? Order of operations. 7th grade pre-algebra. Parenthesis, Exponents, Multiplication, Division, Addition, Subtraction! Hooray! Now, if I could just remember where I'd put my keys, I'd be set.

welcome to my life

I've been absent for a bit as my newlywed life has been keeping me quite busy. I did finally get my kitchen aid mixer, and honey let me tel you, it's beeyooteeful. I haven't mixed anything though because once again, my husband is up to his shenanigans.

While I was out shopping for his birthday present a little over a week ago, I got a call from Guilford County EMS telling me that he'd broken his leg while wake boarding and that they were taking him to the hospital. 12 hours, no sleep, and a rod in the femur later, we made it back to our room and my boy began to mend-translate whine. Seriously though, he's been quite a sport about everything, unlike his blushing bride. I have been worrying because worrying is what I do best. Just call me eeyore. I've also been angry, which is actually good because I don't do anger so well...I'm much better at eating and avoiding. While I've never asked Freddie not to wakeboard and it's actually something we used to do together quite a bit, I would be a little less pissed if he'd hurt himself falling down the stairs or better yet, at work!

A life full of donut butt pillows, walkers, canes, crutches, ice packs, helplessness, and emptying urinals were not mentioned in my membership on theknot.com and I'm less than thrilled about beginning my marriage this way. Before any of this happened, I found out that a job that I was pretty well assured was mine, was suddenly not so certain, (the verdict is still out on that one-I should find out a week before this position ends, hopefully Friday or Monday) and I was already feeling anxious about work, insurance, and money, and pretty much like a loser, so I wasn't in the best shape going in. We've had lots of help-tons of great meals and lots of great "nurses", but it is so overwhelming. As much as the help is appreciated and necessary, it also means that there is someone in my house 24/7, I'm an introvert at heart, so it's difficult enough, but I cannot stand that so many people are seeing our new place when we haven't done ANYTHING to get it ready for actual human living.

To top it all off, on Friday, we found out that Freddie's mom has breast cancer and will have to have a mastectomy asap. When it rains it pours.

So, that is my bummer post. I have a few more lighthearted things to share, but really didn't feel like I could go there without going here. And, I didn't feel quite like I should give you all the full extent of my emotions about all of this when I hadn't actually shared them with my husband. That is done now, and we're pretty good, I'm free to express my annoyance about having to dump his urine, and so I'll spare you the rest, but if you're the prayin' kind, feel free to give a shout out for us. I'm about to lose my religion.

ignoraymoose

I was listening to NPR the other day and they were interviewing people who had witnessed the Mississippi bridge wreckage. A guy called in to share his story and said that he had heard about the bridge collapse and knew that he had to be there. He grabbed his eight year old son and rushed to the wreckage, telling his son, "This is something we have to see and we have to see if we can help."

Does that strike you funny? It blew me away. First, I don't have my own children, but I have spent a lot of time with a variety of eight year olds and I have to tell you that the first word I think of when I think of them in connection with a large deadly disaster is not helpful. Secondly, I cannot believe that this man thought that something so potentially fatal and gruesome could be a good thing for his child to see.

The reporter kept her cool much more than I would have. After another question or two she said, "so you thought it was important for your son to see this first hand rather than shield him from it?" The man emphatically answered, "Yes, of course. This is an important event in history. I felt like it was a lesson in human fallibility..." My response? Perhaps you are correct sir, and yet so were the Holocaust, the Iraq war, and the World Trade Center bombing and I doubt you'd find anyone dragging their children along to such violent scenes.

I hate that I'm going to say this, but I can't help but think that a woman would not do this and I don't make that judgement based on premises that women are smarter than men or that they have more common sense, but rather on contemporary culture and the way society thinks we should raise our little boys. I am amazed with the number of video games available that teach children war simulation. We are spending hundreds of dollars buying video games for our children that encourage them to shoot other people. I can't help but think this is wrong. Whatever your stance on war is, you must believe that it is not easy or joyful for those soldiers to hurt or even kill other human beings, no matter what it is they are defending. It makes me sad to see the ways we silence little boys' tears and encourage them to stifle their own feelings in the name of being brave. By doing so, we invite them to release their emotions through physical, often violent, behavior.

I can only imagine the nightmares that child must have had after seeing the blood and wreckage and hearing the screams of fear and pain and anguish. I hate to think that he went to sleep that night thinking that his dad thought that was an important experience for him to have.

mrs. robinson

I went rafting on Saturday at the US National Whitewater Center, or something like that. The place is a simulated whitewater environment and big time in Charlotte. I went with the hubby and a friend in Charlotte. Another friend of ours was there with some other folks we knew and we met up and waved at one another from time to time. I feel like it's important to say that the one friend with us and the other friend who was there have been buds of mine since middle school and in some ways our relationship hasn't moved on since then. We enjoy laughing about very chilish things and hubby fits right in on these convos. In the real world, we're quite successful and mature people, but when we're together, it's trouble.

The friend on the other boat began her morning in a state of panic. When I talked to her to check the weather as we drove down from Greensboro, she'd told me that she had been short of breath and bordering on diarrhea all morning, but that she was generally very excited. I hadn't rafted before, so I didn't know what to fear. I quickly learned as we sat in our information session and learned what exactly we should do if we found ourselves faced with a foot entrapment or in a low oxygen environment or trapped beneath the boat and suddenly I felt my own stomach rumbling. I didn't have much time to panic as we were quickly shuffled from the training room to be fitted with a paddle (ALWAYS KEEP YOUR T BAR COVERED!), a helmet, and a PFD (you novices may still be calling this a life jacket). The whole process was quite efficient and before we knew it we heard a call for Damax party of 3 and there we spotted our boat and one of the most beautiful creatures alive captaining it. Since there were three of us we had to split up a bit. Freddie and I sat on the second to last row and our friend E sat in the back row next to Gorgeous. It worked out perfectly because although Freddie and I were side by side, while paddling and facing the side of the boat, E and I were free to gossip about our hunky guide. He had kind of shaggy hair, from what I could see under the helmet, which was surprisingly hot on him, and had insanely tan muscles that were perfect...seriously they weren't those beef cake muscles, which I am not a fan of, but more like those of a life guard or a hunky construction worker-they were built from use, not from creotine shakes and pumping iron. Poor E fell off her seat and got wedged in the bottom of the boat stuck right on Gorgeous' foot, but otherwise the trip went pretty well. And, sweet hubby got to practice not being jealous as he kindly told us at the end of our adventure that he looked over at me at one point and saw me staring at Gorgeous with a goofy grin on my face while my wide eyes literally scanned up and down his leg. What can I say? I've always been a leg girl.

house of wax

I have been asked for some updates on the waxing adventure. One month post wedding, I will say that I highly recommend waxing. The benefits far outweigh the pain and suffering, which really is quite minimal and brief. I LOVED not having to shave once on my honeymoon and I would especially suggest waxing before any big vacation or event. I get crazy goosebumps all of the time. It was the weirdest sensation to have the goosebumps and then not have insane stubble. That was definitely the best part. That and having a complete stranger all up in my business for 2 hours. ;)

They say that the waxing will last you about 4 weeks. I found this to be a bit of an exaggeration. I think that's probably because there is no way to get all of the hair unless you waited a really long time to wax in the first place. But, it was much easier to control a little at a time and when I kept on top of it-read, plucked about 15 hairs every few days for the 2nd and 3rd week it was no biggie. (And this was not like plucking eyebrows; it was really painless and fast.) Okay, here comes the disgusting part. I should have shaved my pits a long time ago. I didn't though because I did not miss the stubble and the regrowth was no where near as annoying. I knew I wanted to wax again-despite the discomfort-the armpits definitely hurt the most.

That leads me to my next story. I decided that before I coughed up another hundred bucks for the whole shebang, I'd try to wax at home. Now, I had actually tried this once before and it was a disaster. I purchased prewaxed strips and applied them all to my bikini line so I couldn't give up after one strip. That. was. a. mistake! Let's just say it was a very unpleasant bit of time as I tried to figure out how to remove them without ripping the hair out. So, I knew this time, I would not be using prewaxed strips. I decided to stick as close to the aveda process as possible.

I picked up a Sally Hansen at home waxing kit at Target on the way home on Thursday. Friday night was fairly uneventful. I started to read Harry Potter, much to Freddie's dismay. He was obviously bored, so he decided to go out and look at new cars-which I'm sure will be a story for another day. Shortly after he left, I got a notion to break out the wax. I stripped down to my bra and panties and washed everything with alcohol. I was prepped and ready to go, when I remembered we don't actually own a microwave yet, so I had to improvise. I remembered our new tea kettle and decided to heat the water then put the wax jar in a bowl and pour the water around it. So, I had to move the whole process to the kitchen (now remember, I'm wearing my underwear, and we don't have any blinds yet, fortunately, our kitchen is in the back of the house.) My genius plan really only heated the outside, which made stirring and applying quite difficult. In about 35 seconds, I had wax all over me. There was a bit on the strip, which I applied, and then drips, spots, splashes, and smears just about every where else. The papers stuck to my hands, the sticks stuck to the papers, my legs stuck to each other, and then my husband walked in.

Needless to say, he was a bit surprised, but fortunately not repulsed, because at this point, I had no choice, but to ask for his help. Removing the wax strips myself really wasn't too bad. I braced myself for the first one and was pleasantly surprised and the hair did come out. I used the strips to remove other spots of wax that fell where I didn't want them and picked up the last bits with the oily stuff they give you in the box, and fortunately, I was able to salvage one of our new plates.

I waxed as much as I could, including my pits-that was a bit uncomfortable again, but so gratifying (I retreated to the bathroom with my waxed strips for that-I could not let my husband see them in that condition-so once again we avoided divorce for a bit longer.) I did have to use the oil to get the remaining wax off, though some spots were tricky, especially a huge flaky patch on my leg....

Fast forward to Saturday morning, when I realized the flaky patch on my leg was actually skin and that I had removed the top layer of skin from the side of my leg. Some of the other spots where wax had accidentally dropped looked the same way-red and shiny, like after a sunburn peel-but definitely just from peeling skin, not burning, we never got the wax quite hot enough. I also noticed tons of places where I missed hair.

In conclusion, I may try it at home one more time. This time I'm going to try the prewaxed again. I will never do my own bikini line. I will do my own pits. And, I'm pretty sure that I should leave the legs up to the professionals too. They really do a good job and it's SO worth it. However, I'm beginning to think of moving on to bigger and better things. It seems like the price of a monthly waxing would quickly pay for laser hair removal... I'll let you know.

PS-My hubby did get a few happy snaps of the whole catastrophe, but unfortunately, the memory card is at home.