wedgies

Man, today I really wished I were one of those nerds who carries their phone on a little clip on their belt (you know who you are), but alas I am just one of those nerds who carries a pager--and unfortunately for you fine folks it is not a camera pager because I would have shared a good picture with you today. As I was leaving my adolescent psych group today (no I am not a participant, but I am in fact the leader), I spotted a lady using the phone in the elevator bank. I was first surprised by her odd suit...at first glance it seemed to be a striped suit, but then I noticed that on the sides of the jacket and down the sides of the legs, like tuxedo stripes, were patches of khaki. I sat there staring at her thinking this was a very unpractical purchase since first, it was kind of ugly, and it was also not very practical, because it seemed to me that it would go out of style very soon--if it ever actually was in style---and suits usually aren't cheap. Still waiting for the elevator, I kept staring at her and wondering if maybe she had concocted this masterpiece herself...perhaps the striped suit was too small and the khaki suit had a stain and so she ingeniously stitched the two together creating a new one of a kind quilted suit, I was pondering this (sometimes the elevator is very slow) when I spotted the best part of all...the wedgy! This poor woman had an insane wedgy and of course if it were just her underwear I probably wouldn't have noticed, but I did because what was shoved up her fanny was the quilted suit--and not the quilted part that might have camoflauged her crack with it's crazy blend of stripe and khaki...there was no hiding this thing...that girl had her pants tucked so far up her crack that she might as well have been naked because she was displaying a very clear view of her booty. For a minute, I thought of those glamour magazine spoofs where some poor girl roams around manhattan with her fly unzipped or toilet paper on her shoe to see how kind/cruel the world is and how many people actually help her out and I debated about whether or not I should tap her lightly on the shoulder and let her know about her unfortunate circumstances, but instead, I just stepped onto the elevator and cursed myself and the fact that my phone doesn't work very well in the hospital so I didn't have it with me to take a picture of this woman's plight, because isn't that what a camera phone is for afterall? If you don't believe me ask my brothers and the 15 of poor girls who sit in front of them in their classes with their thongs hanging out.